Have your parents ever gone out of town and left you home alone? At first you are thinking, “great, freedom”. Then after a couple of days, you begin to miss them. Sure it is nice to have a break from the nagging, telling you what to do and constant watching your every move. Having to look after your baby brother, clean up and figure out what is for dinner every night seem like a bit too much responsibility (pizza again?) Plus you are not really doing anything that you could not do with your parents home, and what are those strange sounds you are hearing late at night? When your parents return home you practically knock them over with excitement.

Now it is the first day of school. Your parents drop you off and you exit the car reluctantly. You are told that your first day will be great and that you will be picked up promptly at 3PM.  In the next car, your classmate Ricky is having a tough time leaving his parents as well. He is burying his face in his mother’s shirt and sobbing.

“No, don’t leave me!” he wails.

“Honey, we already went through this. I will be back around 3PM to pick you up. Now go have fun with your friends.” She tried to pull him away but Ricky just grabbed onto a leg.

“You are never going to come back. I am never going to see you again. Don’t leave me!” Rick was not letting his mother out of sight. Finally she agreed to walk him to homeroom. She sat in the back while he settled in. When Ricky’s mother seemed to be out of his mind, she left. It broke her heart. Ricky was like this everywhere they went. She could not leave his side for a minute without it being a problem.

SEPARATION ANXIETY is a feeling that is difficult to change because changing it means being able to completely trust your guardian. If, as a child a parent did not meet all of your needs and was often absent during your early years of development when you looked to your parents for approval and input on everything that you did, it is hard to have that trust. In addition, a person who is a depressed mother, and therefore can’t give proper care, can cause a child to experience separation anxiety. A secure base (where you know that you can leave/separate from your mommy and she will be there when you return) cannot be established early in the child’s development.