We all know that there is life after middle school and high school, but how do you deal with the social scene at school while you’re in it? Whether you’re part of the in-crowd or not, cliques are no piece of cake. Sometimes it seems like the popular group changes on a daily basis, depending on who dumped whom last night, and who was seen with the wrong guy at the pizza place. When your life could be mistaken for a bad soap opera, it can be hard to stay true to who you are.

Unless you’ve been home-schooled for most of your life, you’ve probably seen the damage that cliques can do. You might feel like the world is your oyster (OK, maybe not the world, but at least your school) when you’re part of the popular group. But being part of the group may not last forever (in fact, it may not even last ‘til next week!) On the other hand, being on the margins is just as tough. Especially when the kids who are supposed to be the coolest girls and guys in school are throwing a party next weekend and you weren’t invited. Overall, popularity can seem like a no-win situation.

Of course there are more cliques than just the in-crowd. There’s generally a whole range of cliques, each with their own stereotypical member. Think of the sort of person you picture belonging to each “type”: athlete or jock, brain or preppy, goth, druggie, skater, loser. If you look at teens in popular TV shows and movies, you’ll probably notice them fitting into a certain “type” that tells you what clique they’re in. The movie The Breakfast Club is a good example, as it shows students in detention who look like their “type,” but really have a lot more to their personalities than just being a jock, or a loser, or a dork.

So why are some teens popular and others just, well, aren’t? Most studies seem to suggest that there are different reasons why students are popular in middle and high school, depending on whether you’re a guy or a girl. Popularity for guys seems to be linked with athletic ability (maybe lending some truth to the stereotype that the football captain is the most “crushed-on” guy at school). Popularity for girls, however, is all caught up with appearances. If you’re a girl and you’re physically attractive, present yourself well, and wear the right clothes, you’re in. This usually requires that you’ve got the economic background to finance the look. Popularity seems to be more an accident of birth than the result of who you are or what you have done.

With that in mind, it’s important to remember what really matters: YOU! Not the clothes you wear, or the luster of your hair, not even how far you can hit a baseball. And what’s also important is that someday who was popular in high school won’t matter a bit. Of course cliques are a part of life (no matter how old you are), but they won’t always be so obvious. In fact, the popularity game becomes way less intense from middle school to high school. By high school most teens have found who their true friends are, and who they truly are. And after you’ve realized those things, being popular doesn’t seem all that important anymore.