It might seem scary at first to enter a new foster family. For one reason or another your family can’t take care of you, so Social Services has found a better environment for you to stay in. You might have just come from a bad situation, or gone through a traumatic event. The last thing you want is to have to adapt to a new parent, new rules, and maybe even new siblings! It’s totally natural to feel overwhelmed at first, and you have every right to express your feelings. But at the same time, things can only get better if you have the attitude and the tools you need to cope.

Survive the first day
Your initial reaction might be to hide out alone for a while, but chances are the first day you’re with a foster family you’ll want to get to know everyone (at least a little). Be friendly and honest with your foster family. If you feel sad or lonely, don’t suffer in silence! Remember that foster parents are trained and prepared to help teens in your situation.

Handle first impressions
When you first meet the members of your new foster family you might have a “gut reaction” or first impression that helps to determine how you feel about everyone. Of course the best-case scenario is that you like everyone and gradually build relationships. More realistically, however, you might not like everyone at first. But be careful — first impressions aren’t always that accurate! You might end up loving the foster mom that you were not so fond of when you first moved in. Give yourself time to establish relationships and find out more about your foster family — it doesn’t happen overnight!

Adjust to new rules and responsibilities
With a new foster home and foster family you’ll also probably encounter a new set of rules and responsibilities. Some common ground rules are usually to show respect to everyone in the family, to go to school and do your best, to pitch in with chores, etc. Beyond basic expectations like these, your foster mom or dad might go over the rules specific to your new home. If they don’t cover it, here are some basic things that you might want to ask about soon after you join the household:

• What household chores are you responsible for?
• Are there strict bedtimes, curfews, etc.?
• Will you be allowed to see friends, go out alone, go on dates, etc.?
• Are there time limits on how long you are allowed to use the phone/ watch TV/ use the computer, etc. each day?
• What rooms or activities are off limits in the house?

Remember that you’re new to the household and cannot be expected to memorize everything right away! As the days go by you’ll settle into the routine and you won’t have to even think twice about it.

Make an effort to adapt
It takes time to adapt to a new home and a new foster family. Don’t worry if you don’t feel like “part of the family” right away. Relationships and habits take time to develop! But every day you will probably feel more and more a part of things. Try to be patient and give yourself the time and space you need. You might talk to your foster mom or dad to get their advice and share how you’re coping with everything. The little things that you start to worry about as you settle in — like what you should call your foster parents (should you address them as “Mom and Dad”? Or call them by their first names?) or what time would be best for phone calls — are also good things to bring up at this point.

Cope with foster siblings
If your foster parents have their own children or other foster kids, you might face another issue that you’ll need to adapt to. Remember that you don’t have to love your “foster siblings;” you just have to get along with them! Try to find some common ground so that you’ll at least have something to talk about or do together. You might actually find out that a foster sibling is a great ally to have — he or she will already know the ropes, the school system, the family dynamics, etc.

Recognize the use in caring
Foster care is not designed to be a permanent solution, but rather a place to stay before entering an adoptive family or living with a relative. That said, foster care situations often last for at least a year, and kids might find themselves staying in foster care for three years or more. At first you might feel like there’s no use in getting attached to a family that you aren’t expecting to live with forever. But it’s really important that you focus on the positive and try to adapt to your foster home. Remember that even after a foster care situation has ended, you can still keep in touch with the people you’ve grown to care about!

And most importantly…
Be sure that you take care of yourself! Know your rights and responsibilities, and make sure that your needs are being met while you’re in foster care. After all, the whole point of foster care is that you have a supportive and caring environment to stay in.