When you think of a family you probably think of a mother, father, and their biologically related kids — all living together in a house with a white picket fence. But that’s not the reality for about half a million kids in the US in foster care. Through no fault of their own, these kids are unable to live with their parents or relatives. Sometimes it’s because of abuse or neglect, and other times it’s the result of a death or illness in the family. Regardless of the reason, if a child is unable to live with his or her parents, then he or she is sent to live with a family or adult who has volunteered to help kids in such situations. These placements are arranged by state agencies, and are a temporary solution for kids who need a caring and supportive place to stay.

Everyone copes with being in foster care differently. For some teens a foster family is the best thing that ever happened to them — their foster mother might be really easy to talk to, or their foster father might be great at helping with schoolwork. For kids who have had to deal with tough situations in their own families (like physical abuse, being exposed to drug or alcohol abuse, etc.), being in foster care can represent all the things that were missing in their lives before: security, comfort, safety, compassion, sympathy, etc. For other kids foster care is not such a great experience. They might hold out hopes of living with their “real” family, or find that they just can’t get along with a member of the foster family.

Sometimes kids even find themselves in foster care conditions that are either harmful or abusive, but fortunately state agencies try their hardest to avoid situations like this. There are standards that foster parents must meet before being allowed to take in a child, as well as screening processes that they must pass. It’s important to remember that these agencies do their best to place kids in families that are caring and supportive.

If you’re in foster care you might sometimes feel like you’re in a lose-lose situation. If you don’t like your foster family, you have to wait to get another placement. If you DO like your foster family, chances are you will eventually have to move into a different foster family or switch to a more permanent situation (like adoption or living with a relative). Being in foster care can seem like a roller coaster, but it’s important to remember that you always deserve to be taken care of and treated respectfully. Flexibility and the ability to adapt can make the foster care situation a lot easier, and finding support through mentors, friends, and social workers can help you learn how to cope. Read on under “Defined” and “How To” for more information on foster care and coping.