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Put an End to Stalking
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There is no formula to stalking. Learn tactics and strategies for dealing with immediate or pending threats to your physical and/or emotional welfare. Put an end to stalking before it goes too far.
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- Keep Track of Evidence
- It is important to record names, dates and places where the stalking took place. This will enable you and law enforcement officials to establish a pattern of behavior. In those details, you want to record any threats, reactions you had to the behaviors, names of witnesses, and evidence such as letters, voicemail, email or instant message communication. In addition, you should save letters, photos, videos, police reports, witness statements or any gifts that you receive.
- Get Informed
- You will want to get a copy of the stalking laws in effect in both your state and the stalker’s state if different from yours. Because stalking has only been considered a federal crime in the last 10 years or so, some judges, law enforcement agencies and prosecutors are unsure of what constitutes stalking. States have criminal codes published and located in some public libraries and all law libraries for your information. It’s important to note that phone calls from out of state and stalking a person across state borders are illegal and can be brought to federal court.
- Strengthen Your Communication
- The first thing you want to make sure is that you have a list of emergency phone numbers and contact information readily available. This includes immediate family, neighbors, employer, local law enforcement agency or state prosecutor, and a threat management team in your area (rape and domestic violence organizations also handle stalking cases because they often happen together).
- File a Complaint
- Aside making family, friends and neighbors aware of your stalker, you should notify law enforcement at the earliest signs of being stalked. This way, you will have reports on file and find it easier to get help in case of an emergency. You will need evidence as stated above, to present to police. They may have to be convinced before you are permitted to bring your case to a court. If the police refuse to open an investigation contact your district attorney (or equivalent in your area) for Victim Assistance Programs.
Victim Specialists, (local domestic violence or rape crisis centers), community service, or emergency assistance phone numbers located in the phone book will give you advice on how to proceed with your complaint. Call 911 to report the stalker if you are in immediate danger.
- Assess Risk Level
- If there is a threat to your physical or emotional safety, get help immediately. You should have a safe place in mind in case of such an emergency. If there is pending danger, but no immediate threat, the steps you take are different.
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- Present Danger means that you should get to a police station, family, friend, or neighbor’s house that is unknown to the perpetrator. Domestic violence shelter, church or anyplace where there are lots of people.
Potential Danger still means that you should put an end to the stalking. You should research stalking laws, have an escape route mapped out in the event of an attack, available emergency phone numbers, and maybe a bag packed with belongings that you keep handy (trunk of car; a friend or relative’s house perhaps).
- Maintain Personal Safety
- You may receive suggestive gifts or be terrorized by means other than verbal or physical violence. These are still very real threats that must be taken seriously. After telling your stalker to leave you alone in a very clear and firm manner, refrain from responding to or initiating any further contact with him or her.
If you are receiving gifts/threats by mail keep everything as evidence. Place items in a bag with a date or take photographs and print the date on back if items are too large. Make copies of letters or written threats. DO NOT send back anything, as this can make the stalker angry and the situation much worse.
If you are being followed by car, make four left or right hand turns which will bring you back to your current location. If the person is still behind you, lock your doors and remain in the car. Now is a good time to use your cell phone – you promised yourself that you’d use it only during emergencies, right? Driving to the nearest police or fire station is best. If that is too far, go the nearest mall or crowded area and contact the police. Take note of the license plate, make and model of the perpetrator’s car if possible.
Tell everyone – friends, family, neighbors, and co-workers – so they know what is going on. Give a detailed description or show them a photo if possible so they can be on the lookout for your stalker. If you have access to a mini cam, you may be able to snap a quick picture, but don’t put yourself in danger. People aware of your situation will know not to reveal anything as to your whereabouts or contact information.
- Safeguard Your Home
- It’s a good idea to keep an aluminum flashlight, car keys, cell phone, emergency phone numbers, and packed bag in a convenient place. Putting them in handy places around your home, including your bedroom is a good safety precaution. Install motion detectors or a security system if you don’t already have one. Deadbolt your door, but make sure you have an accessible escape route. Police can patrol your neighborhood or you can notify apartment security to keep an eye out for the stalker. If you don’t already have one, maybe now’s the time to get that dog your kids have been pestering your for.
Never, ever give out personal information, accept packages unless you know where they came from, or open mail that looks like it’s been tampered with. If you have a name on your mailbox or reserved parking space, have it removed. You can block your address at the DMV. You don’t want to uproot your family, and hopefully it will never get to that point, but keeping yourself and your children safe is most important.
- Weed Out Bad Advice
- Confront the stalker – this can be dangerous and potentially escalate the situation by making the stalker angry or feel rejected; in addition, any interaction, positive (being nice, calling to ask a question) or negative (returning letters/gifts/threats) may reinforce the behavior.
- Disconnect telephone; get a new number – cutting off your phone may encourage the perp to come to your house.
- Ignore the situation – this won’t make your problems go away, it could just make the stalker angry because he or she isn’t controlling or intimidating you
- Extra Tips
- As you’ve probably heard a million times, never travel alone. Don’t take shortcuts home that require you to pass through dark alleys, unlit streets, or abandoned areas. If you are being stalked, it’s a bad idea to job or take walks alone. For obvious reasons, you should travel in a group (even by car). If you are approached or threatened by the assailant, your companion can be a witness.
Make lots of noise if you are being followed. Honk your horn, call out to a passerby; bring attention to yourself in some way. Stalkers don’t want anyone to know they are harassing you. They want to do it in secret. This will possibly scare him or her off.
Take a self-defense class with friends. It’ll be fun and you can learn ways of protecting your physical self and increase your self-confidence at the same time.
If the stalker makes it a habit of contacting you at work, have your boss or co-workers screen your calls. Carpooling to work with a co-worker or getting dropped off and picked up is another good idea. This may seem a bit inconvenient, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.
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