Any unwanted and harmful words or physical actions taken by a person with the intention of controlling their partner is defined as dating abuse, whether the relationship is serious and intimate or casual. In abusive relationships, breaking up and making up seems to form a pattern that becomes addictive for the both the abuser and the individual being abused. One is the intimidator and the other is the intimidated. Abuse can also occur between two people that used to date, and happens too often among preteens. It can happen at school, after school, in the victim’s home, or on the bus.

Though abuse may take place in private, friends are often aware that some type of abuse is happening. So as not to confuse anyone, this is not just an average disagreement where the couple is angry with one another. This is unhealthy, degrading, tormenting behavior that is never appropriate. Victims are often blamed for staying in an abusive relationship. Outsiders feel the victims are asking for it, or the relationship must not be too bad if they are willing to remain with an abusive partner. Although physical abuse comes to the mind of many when they hear the word abuse, there are other forms that are just as hurtful.

Physical Abuse is characterized by behaviors that inflict bodily harm on a person by hitting, kicking, pinching or choking, etc.

Emotional Abuse causes the victim to lose their identity, independence and self-esteem by insulting them and criticizing their goals and dreams.

Psychological Abuse occurs when the offender creates a sense of fear and discomfort in the relationship, like isolating the victim from friends and family, and threatening to hurt the partner.

Sexual Abuse happens when the abuser forces sexual contact onto their victim or makes disrespectful sexual comments about the person, sometimes in front of others.

Healthy Relationship
Whether you are dating a person casually or you are in a serious relationship, abuse should not be tolerated. There are certain responsibilities that we as individuals have when getting involved with a person.

• Be honest with your partner
• Give your partner space
• Treat your mate as you want to be treated
• Be responsible for your own feelings and actions
• Demand and give respect in the relationship
• Do not threaten or harm partner

Encourage and support their goals; support the person emotionally

• Communicate and never manipulate to get what you want
• Do not humiliate or demean partner; respect your partner
• Do not abuse in any way (physically, mentally, sexually)
• Allow partner to maintain individuality
• Demand all of the above in return

In a healthy partnership, a person should be comfortable with their mate spending time with others. They should be able to spend time apart, and listen to one another. Both people should feel safe and confident enough to say how they feel, and differences of opinions should be respected.

Dating Rights – You have the right to:

• Own your body
• Choose and keep friends
• End a relationship at any time
• Be treated as an equal
• Disagree
• Live without fear of partner’s anger
• Not be emotionally, physically, psychologically or sexually abused

Unhealthy Relationship
In this type of relationship, there can’t be a disagreement without an argument. An individual may disrespect and ignore his partner, and couples may become jealous if their mate spends time with others. The victim of the abuse might feel awkward and less confident about expressing how she feels.

Abusive Relationship
The victims in this type of relationship are afraid to disagree with their partner. They are disrespected, their ideas/aspirations are crushed, the victims are also forced to do things against their will. They do them because they are afraid of what their partner will say or do to hurt them.

The abuser threatens their partner, forbids them to hang out with others and is always jealous when their mate spends time with others.

Abusive Tactics
Intimidation – you become afraid without even being touched (offender may break things, yell, slam doors)
Isolation – the offender will forbid their partner from seeing family and friends; having a life or fun without them around

Emotional Control – there is a love/hate attitude towards the victim; the offender can’t live without you but they also embarrass you in public; you have to walk on eggshells to keep partner happy
Sexual control – the abuser forces you to be intimate and teases you if you won’t; rude sexual comments and gestures are made towards you

Blame – nothing is ever their fault; they don’t take responsibility for their behaviors; if they are angry, you will pay

Threats – the abuser will promise to make your life miserable, hurt your friends or destroy something that you love if you don’t do what they want you to do

These Attitudes Support Violence:

• When alcohol and drugs are involved, abuser cannot be held responsible for actions
• Jealous behavior is a sign of love
• People may get so angry they can’t control their behaviors and may become abusive
• Some individuals deserve and need to be abused

Effects of Abuse

• Bruises and broken bones or permanent injury
• Loss of appetite
• Depression, sadness
• Do not trust self or others
• Lowered self-esteem; loss of ability to be yourself
• No longer know how to be independent
• Terror, fear, anxiety
• Shame, guilt, self-blame
• Suicide
• Death