WARM2Kids, Inc.

To Tell or Not To Tell?

Attention: Abuse Is Not Love

Abuse is a very tricky occurrence. Although there are many warning signs of abuse, it can often be disguised or mistaken as love, both by the abuser and victim. People will often stay in an abusive relationship out of fear, economic or emotional dependence, loss of self-confidence, thinking they need to help the abuser change, or simply not seeing the abuse and manipulation in the relationship. Outsiders or people who have never experienced abuse are quick to judge or assume that getting out of an abusive, unhealthy relationship is simple. They don’t realize the many complicated factors that often go into preventing a person from leaving their abusive mate.

You don’t have to know how to swim to be a lifeguard. Really! We’re not talking about the kind of lifeguard that sits on a tall chair overlooking a swimming pool or lake to making sure that nobody drowns. We’re talking about the kind of rescuing you can do when you save someone from being abused.

Every fifteen to eighteen seconds somebody is abused in our country. Think about it! In the time it takes you to say your full name and address, someone, maybe in your own town, is being insulted or ridiculed, threatened, beat up, forced to have sex, stabbed, shot or even killed.

Save the life of someone you know or perhaps even your own life. Here is some of the information you need to determine who is an abuser and who is likely to become an abuser, if given the chance.

Abusers are “control freaks” who often:

1. Put down all their partner's friends, and insist the victim stop hanging out with them; abusers are also very possessive and wants their partners all to themselves
2. Insult and ridicule the victim, making their partner feel stupid, worthless and helpless
3. Offend the family of the abused person and insists that the abused person ignore their advice
4. Get wildly jealous if their partner talks to or even looks at another friend of the opposite sex
5. Use physical force (slap, hit, punch, pinch, bite, kick, choke etc.) to control the victim
6. Blame the abusive behavior on the victim or their love for the partner
7. Lie constantly, promising that the abuse will never happen again; the abuser may even buy the victim a gift to say sorry (flowers, jewelry, candy) for the broken promises and/or abuse
8. Force their partner to have sex when it is not wanted
9. Hurt a pet in order to frighten or punish their partner
10. Destroy possessions that their partner loves to hurt and frighten them

If even one of the ten descriptions listed above fits your boyfriend/girlfriend or that of someone you know, get help and find out if you need to get out of the relationship. Help is available!

No matter how much you think that you love or need your boy/girlfriend, there is no excuse for abuse by or against anyone. In a truly loving relationship, hands are used for hugging and holding onto, not for hitting.