Fear of Rejection is guided by emotions. It is the irrational fear that you will not be accepted. It prevents you from doing certain things because you are afraid of disapproval. You have an intense fear of something that actually poses little or no harm. Your unconscious may need retraining so that you can approach relationships and everyday life in more healthy ways. It’s like they say, when life throws you a bag of lemons you can either let them leave a “sour” taste in your mouth OR you can make lemonade!

Thoughts
For many individuals fear of rejection gets in the way of ever obtaining certain aspirations. These people won’t even attempt a task because they know the outcome already – rejection, failure, disapproval. A person who fears denial can develop an overly cautious approach to everything he does. “I’m not going to apply to that college; they won’t accept me” or “I won’t get that job, so why should I waste my time filling out the application”. The only time you fail is when you fail to try. How do you know unless you do try? It’s this negative outlook, this self-fulfilling prophecy (you think failure, therefore you are likely to fail) that causes people to miss out on wonderful opportunities.

Behaviors

• Little or no assertiveness
• Go along with others, even when not in agreement
• Passive-aggressive (sneaky, dishonest, not open)
• Play games (hide real feelings; imitate fads)
• Privately expresses anger or depression
• Confused about real identity; has a façade
• Rigid (obsessed with looking and behaving in “right” way)
• Dishonest with self; habitual liar

Relationship Habits

• Obsessive
• Clingy
• Jealous
• Too serious, too fast which can drive people away
• Rejects or avoid people/situations to escape being rejected

Outside Perception – What others think

• Encourage person to be assertive
• Want person to be true to self
• See through lies; difficulty trusting integrity or honesty of person
• Turned off by deceitful behavior

It becomes frustrating when this person does not take advice to improve their situation. There is a sense of nervousness because of the untrustworthy behaviors. Loved ones often worry the person will view their discomfort as rejection or disapproval. This continues the cycle of negative self-concepts. The result? A pushing away of family and friends. Loved ones pulling away appear to be rejecting the individual.

Underlying Causes of Fear

• Lack appropriate ROLE MODELS who accept them unconditionally
• Lack of healthy self-concepts and self-esteem
• Traumatic experience of rejection (divorce, fired) deeply scarred person
• No self-confidence
• Never exposed to healthy ways of dealing with conflict
• Has not accomplished certain things to set apart from others
• Physical condition makes person believe unattractive to others
• Was told you were inadequate, different, or second best for your entire life
• Experienced rejection as a child; felt unloved and abandoned

Physical Response

• Dizziness
• Excessive sweating
• Nausea
• Dry mouth
• Shaking
• Heart palpitations
• Inability to speak or think clearly
• Fear of dying/detachment from reality
• Anxiety attack
• Becoming angry or losing control